Cultural Perspectives Of Love

Love has had a presence in this world since humans basically evolved. But over time, this universally experienced human drive has changed. Not only has it changed, but it has also been interpreted and expressed differently in different cultures. There are seven universal emotions, anger, contempt, disgust, enjoyment, fear, sadness, and surprise. These were developed by Paul Ekman and have been studied extensively since. They exist across time periods, across cultures, across age groups. A tribe in Indonesia that has experienced nothing outside of its boundaries or a working man on Wallstreet, can identify all 7 with the same accuracy. These emotions exist in art, in literature, in philosophy, in everything. But love is not one of them. Love is universal also, there is no society on Earth, yet discovered, that does not experience love. There has been no recorded time period that has not had love stories. Love hasn’t disappeared ever. It has always been a consistent theme through religion, art, and society. However, love, unlike the big 7, changes. It has much to do with the time period, societal norms, and culture. Love exists but is experienced differently over time, culture, and age.

Anthropology is the study of culture and society over time. Culture shapes human behavior and encompasses social norms, customs, values, community, beliefs, and more, at a certain point in time. The humanities are usually a reflection of a society’s culture. As culture changes, the humanities change too. And even today, in our super connected and globalized world, love is not the same everywhere. It is still differently perceived and construed by every culture.​

Let us take a look at some of the oldest accounts of love. The Kama Sutra, a piece of text very dear to my heart, was written in 400 BCE. The Kama Sutra is often thought of as a quick way to spice up a couple’s sex life. While it can certainly do that, the Kama Sutra is not just about funky sex positions. The Kama Sutra is instead a philosophical treatise on how to live and love. The misinterpreted book is actually based on the oldest and most sacred Indian Text: the Vedas. It was originally called the Kama Shastra, the rules of love, and were formulated by Nandi, Lord Shiva’s companion. The text is one of the most ancient Indian texts and in India, they are highly regarded. The book is actually part of a triptych made up of the Artha Sastra, the Dharma Sastra, and the Kama Sutra. These texts are meant to give men the aims of life, where three kinds of activities are necessary. The first one is to assure one’s survival through means of existence and nourishment: this is Artha. The second one is to establish rules of behavior so that each individual can perform their roles within the framework of society in a virtuous way: this is Dharma. The third one is to realize one’s reproduction, through forms of activities generally connected with sexuality. Kama is the third goal of human life. Sexuality is indeed at the core of this third pillar of a good life, but it goes far beyond that aspect. It is above all the enjoyment of the world surrounding us via our five senses — hearing, touch, sight, taste, and smell — assisted by the mind as well as the soul. Kama is composed of the combined experience linking the organ of sense, the object that is felt, and the consciousness of pleasure arising from this contact. More than sexuality, Kama is the idea of sensuality. I have read the Kama Sutra (an Indian edition) and trust me, it is not about sex. There is much to learn from it about living a healthy life. While India certainly started off on a sex-positive note, it did not follow in that direction for very long. Goddesses and their sexuality were always part of Indian culture and religion but with the development of social classes and social roles, women started to become an accompanying role. During Mughal rule in India, Hinduism told women to perform Saati out of love, where they would willingly set themselves on fire if their loved one died in battle. In the legend of Padmavaat, thousands of women run into the fire after learning their kingdom lost a battle. This was prescribed and marketing, in a sense, by LOVE. But more than this, it was about family and loyalty. This is important to understand in Eastern culture. It is always about loyalty. Even today, Indian women are submissive housewives, forced to suppress their emotions and live in Taboo. This is not different from other Eastern Cultures. In China, unmarried women are called derogatory terms and are shunned from society. As an Indian girl, I have been asked countless times “when will you get married and have children?” not, “how is work going?” or “how is your career progressing?” “Do you need help finding a boy” versus “Do you need help finding an internship?”

For instance, in many parts of India, the “eros” aspect of love is tabooed and marriage and relationships only exist for the sake of reproduction, money (dowry), and spreading the religion (especially in Islam). I will add, however, that sex is also considered a wonderful spiritual experience (when practiced after marriage with only one partner), e.g. The Kama Sutra. It is not common for people in India to get married to the one they love, let alone ever even being in love, rather many will practice arranged marriage which is decided by the families, not the individuals. In the same breath, however, love is also shown in a wondrous light. Stories and epics such as Bajirao Mastani, Padmavaat, and Ram-Leela, have not only been glorified in popular media but have been written about and passed down in history as some of the most iconic Indian literature. The Taj Mahal, the entire Taj Mahal was created by a prince for the love of his life. It is so strange for me to witness this. That in Indian culture we glorify and stand in awe of the beautiful Indian love stories but in our own homes, we deny it. Love is looked as a golden lotus that can’t be touched by the mere mortals of society.

Indian literature, historic and modern, from the Mahabharata to The Ramayana, is filled with love stories, even if it may not be central to the plot. Even today, every single Bollywood movie, whether it is about drugs or murder or a heist, incorporates love somewhere within it. My own great grandfather used to write love poems to his wife every week. Even in prayers, people are taught to love God and love religion instead of fear it. Eastern philosophy such as Buddhism and Yoga also talks about love as spiritual liberation and the ultimate goal of mankind. The concept of love is embedded in every part of Indian culture. At least in the way it is written about in historic literature, love is considered a great and rare possession. It is considered to be something so powerful to cause somebody to build a whole Taj Mahal for you (this is certainly my criteria when finding a partner).

​The differences between Eastern and Western thought regarding love is huge. For instance, a YouGov poll involving 18235 people in 17 different countries revealed the difference between Eastern and Western culture. The poll asked what people want most from their lives in general with love resulting as the first highest priority (out of 12) in nine western countries but only the sixth-highest priority (out of 12) for the eight eastern countries. In Eastern countries, health takes the lead. Of course, this study is not perfect but it sheds a light on the different perceptions of love in both cultures; the western ideal of romantic love is based on individualism while the eastern concept is more practical where familial and social stability take precedence.

In an extreme example, Plato, in the “Speech of Aristophanes,” credits love as the pursuit of completeness, wholeness, and the goal of life. Love, he says, is how the human race flourishes, and without our other half, we are left weak and unhappy. Plato claims that there is another half out there and it is our job to put in the effort to find that person. This importance given to love and to self-happiness is non-existent in Eastern Philosophy. In Eastern thought, the type of love described in western media and ancient literature, is glorious, rare, and something that not everybody gets to experience. It is also not given much importance. For instance, a core teaching of Confucianism 仁 (ren), or benevolent love, means to focus on duty, action, and attitude in your relationships. This is done by displays of filial piety from children, kindness from parents, loyalty to the king, and respect to elders. In Chinese Buddhism, 爱 (ai) refers to caring love for every person and living being. This is an important element for enlightenment.

Love in India is regarded more as a cultural experience than as an emotion that everybody hopes to one day face. It is not given importance except in literature and art. Marriage and relationships are just not very important, it is just taken as a part of life. Both my parents, for example, did not date anybody before each other, and they only went on 2 “dates” before deciding to get married. The whole perception of “love” is different in Eastern and Western thought. It’s more than the types of love described in class, the whole mindset regarding love’s position in life is different.

Let us now shift towards western thought regarding love.

From 354 to 436 BCE, you had Caritas Synthesis. This school of thought basically was a blend of eros and agape. It included charity and kindness and was developed by the Church. It was about loving God more than it was about loving people.

Then from 1100 till 1200, it was Amour Courtois. This is my personal favorite. It is very similar to “Peacocking” as it means courtly love. It was all about winning a woman’s hand. It was noble, aesthetic, and ethical to do so.

In 1800, you had Romance and Romantic Love which decided that there were sexual desire and sex. By the end, you had romance, lust, friendship, and more.

The Victorian Era from 1837 till 1901, was about the shift to industrial society. There was a grand shift from rural to urban. Women had to stay home to watch the children and sex was taboo.

Finally, in 1960 there was a sexual revolution. Women became more assertive and began to explore their sexuality. Sex became known as love. LGBTQ identity emerged as did non-marital sex.

​Now there is today. But today is still in progress. Many parts of the world still consider women as sexual objects who are purposed to stay home and raise children. Around the world, there are children who are robbed of the opportunity to love. Children are still bought and sold, used are brides, raped. LGBTQ is not accepted everywhere. In Singapore, it is still considered a mental illness to be gay (not lesbian, only gay). Today is good, in some places, but it can be better.